bad habbits

i tell stupid stories. i have a lame sense of humor. i laugh too loud. and i mumble. i suck at cooking. and i always use up all of the hot water. my room is a mess. i hate doing laundry. and my car smells like boy. i dont like to read directions. i dont filter my drinking water. i hate wearing socks. and i drink out of the carton. i eat food that says it is expired. and i drink beer straight out of the red cup no matter what the pong ball has touched. i scream at moths, and leave them at “the scene of the crime” after i’ve killed them. i dont grocery shop well. i constantly forget to take my pills. i sleep a lot. i drink. i smoke. i bite my nails. and i pick at scabs. i hate dealing with trash. i spend my money on dumb shit. i like to have my computer in the bathroom with the lights off while i shower because i like the lighting it provides. i dont like to use napkins, but when i do i leave them rolled up with the silverwear inside. and i hit snooze at least 5 times per alarm. im always late to things. i procrastinate. and i use all of my sister’s stuff. i drink too much caffine. im addicted to cleaning my ears. i leave lights on. and i dont put things back where i found them. i dont check my voicemail. i say things before i think about them. i make myself sound stupid. i dont tell people how i feel. i let people treat me like crap. i fall asleep in church. i have a gutter mouth. and i spend my time doing shit like this.

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

is it weird that every time i swat at a moth i sing ‘lose yourself’ by eminem in my head?

“you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. this opportunity comes once in…

YOUR BITCH ASS MOTH LIFETIME YO!” (:

“‘Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We’re afraid.’ ‘Come to the edge.’ ‘We can’t. We will fall!’ ‘Come to the edge.’ And they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.”

someone wants to pay me to make them art?! how fucking rad is that?! (:

(Source: burning-soul, via johnnysuxxx)

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessman slowly gets stoned
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it’s better than drinking alone.

Sing us a song, you’re the piano man…

(Source: splitourheartsinhalf)